Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
