There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
