my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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