i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
