i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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