life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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