This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he fucked my hip out of place.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
