my sisters under your porch take her home
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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