when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
