I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
