for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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