im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
