i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
