If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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