Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
