i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
