Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
