hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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