Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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