put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
