end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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