wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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