Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
