I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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