I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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