gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
