also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
