hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
