i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
