maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
