She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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