I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
