wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
