you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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