very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
