Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
