I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
