Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
