Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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