I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
