I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
