Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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