Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
