Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
