Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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