And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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