I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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