awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
