he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
