Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
