I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
