the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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