It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
