Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
