She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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