you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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