Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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