dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
