you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
