All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
