something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
